


while our shadows keep watching us

by thefigureinthecorner



Category: My Candy Love
Genre: Abuse, F/M, Octavia is also a generic candy whose name I made up just for this, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 00:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefigureinthecorner/pseuds/thefigureinthecorner
Summary: Nathaniel does not make it out of his parents’ house unscathed, but he tries to put the pieces back together anyway.(Song title from Big Houses by Squalloscope)





	while our shadows keep watching us

Nathaniel realizes, one day, that he can trace everything he hates back to his dad, whether it is about himself or otherwise. He hates the smell of citrus cologne (his dad wore it), hates shellfish (his dad loved shrimp and lobster), hates wearing suits and ties (they bring out his dad’s features in his own face and while he knows that he looks good in a suit and tie, he can’t stand to look at himself in the mirror when he does wear them).

Sweets make him nauseous. He loves the taste of them, but he can never stomach them. He couldn’t figure out why, for a long time; he’d thought it was one of his family's weird and inconvenient allergies. That was until he realized that maybe he’d eat them more if it weren’t for the fact that they make him think of the living room after dessert when he would slink away with bruises he’d have to hide the next morning.

He hates dogs. He used to love dogs, and for a long time he’d thought it was out of association with Castiel, but that wasn’t it either. Even after he and Castiel had cleared the air between them, there was something about them he couldn’t stand.

Demon barks near him one day and it startles him so hard that he can’t speak or move or do anything for a solid minute, and then only because Castiel helps him snap back into it.

And, well, there it is: it’s the noise. Cats are quiet and he can handle the sounds that they make, but dogs, larger ones especially, sound abrupt and loud and angry to him and stick him right back in that goddamn living room.

Castiel doesn’t bring Demon around him anymore.

He hates his arms for the bruises, hates his face for the tiny scar under his eye where the skin split when he was shoved into the edge of the coffee table, he hates his jawline and the shape of his nose and the things that remind him of Francis. Francis, who he refuses to call his father anymore, because he hates that word too, it leaves an acidic taste in his mouth that he can’t get out.

But he loves Octavia.

He loves the things he associates with her; the smell of roses from her shampoo, even though the real thing makes him wheeze, he loves the color yellow because she does, he loves the way she makes him focus on the things he likes about himself.

He holds onto that. He holds onto her.

He rebuilds his life and his world around her, and he pushes himself to find the things he likes just because he can. Sweet things will still make him nauseous and dogs will terrify him for a long time and he may never feel comfortable wearing t-shirts, and he has come to terms with those things.

She says “yes” in a tangle of limbs and blankets, and he feels safer with her than he has in years.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no experiences with like. PTSD or anything like that (at least none I know of for sure) so it’s probably inaccurate but episode 40 gave me some Ideas
> 
> Anyway if there’s something I should fix regarding that if I write more Nathaniel stuff in the future please tell me!


End file.
